We went to Kitsee twice [snake eyes (there's a casino on the way by the way)]
A trip is formed by three segments [entrance, exploration, exit]
Entrance:
A small dirt pathway (cart, shop as usual-Cari sitting in it) with a train track
marking the loc1. Right tack / go
A small place to sit, a place to cut, a place to cure, a place to heal
Sign [botheyesopenoneeyeopen, dancingsigninputsequence(x)], better world awaits
Longroadstretch_catstretch_lostrings/hearingloss
One In a Million (actually 2095)
Exploration:
Large building-station. Initially a stairwell ... leading to (skies) - it leads
you higher ^ Pleasant
Exit:
Capitalism burning
Welcome to Kittsee! Walking, foot, shoe, pavement, rock, brick, grass, gravel, Kittsee. Walking combined with foot creates Kinaesthetics of the legs, knees, and foot. Movement and forward motion, velocity. Walking combined with shoe creates friction, drag, scuttling. Skin rubbed raw, scabs, negativity. Walking combined with pavement creates time, money, and POWER. Footprints and pressure, applied to pavement and sole of shoe. Walking combined with rock creates boulder, mountain, more rocks. The rocks will start walking in essence. Walking combined with brick creates villages, cities, metropolis. Windows get added once the walking finishes the bricks. Walking combined with grass creates forests, bushes, flowers. Everything that looks pretty to you. Walking combined with gravel creates rock. Throwing of small particles. Walking combined with Kittsee creates more Kittsee, more walking, valuable time, large cubes.
Welcome to Berg! Next to Kittsee, you got Berg. Berg fucking sucks GENTRIFIED SHITHOLE (sorry Berg residents).
In 2003, a Kittsee resident made a complaint to his landlord, claiming that his heating wasn't working properly. The landlord sent a mechanic to go check up on the heating system, but all of the regular checks brought up nothing. It wasn't until the mechanic looked inside the radiators that the problem had become horrifyingly apparent. The radiators were full of sewage water containing all sorts of waste. Somehow, instead of regular heated water coming in, the sewers had brought water in. An official investigation was launched, but 3 days into it, it was completely halted and put off without any official explanation.
In 2013 in Kittsee, a shopping center called K1 opened and quickly became beloved by local Kittseeans. 8 years later, right next door, a shopping center called K2 opened, in 2021. Clearly inspired by the name and similarity in their web addresses, a friendly rivalry formed that quickly turned unfriendly. K2 received less reviews on review website, but scored an overall higher rating, causing the CEO of the K1 to become highly irritated, stating that the K2 store was trying to leech off of the K1. The CEO of the K1 store paid his employees to review bomb the K2 store to claim it was a knockoff, but it wasn't successful. In retaliation, the K2 CEO would regularly employ his cashiers to visit the K1 stores with bags of leftover experied groceries from K2 and replace the non-experied ones in K1 with them. K1 shoppers began complaining that they were getting food poisoning and even had to hospitalize loved ones after buying products from K1 that turned out to have been experied or even spat in. In an especially egregious example of sabotage, a K2 cashier opened a 7 jars of pickles in the K1 store whilst it was nearing closing hours, and proceeded to drink half the juice and then urinate in them until they were full. This incident went unnoticed for 3 weeks, despite 4 of the jars having been bought by customers, as they couldn't tell the difference between regular pickles and urine. The rivalry was concluded on the high noon of January 8th 2015, when both CEOs stumbled upon each other on the parking lot of the nearby LIDL. Witnesses describe seeing both CEOs partake in a wild-west style gun draw. Both CEOs walked 15 feet away from each other, drew guns, and fired at the same time, killing each other. The K1 CEO managed to live for 40 more minutes, dying in an ambulance, whilst the K2 CEO was struck in the heart, killing him instantly. Marcel "Ralf" Orndorff has to be restrained at the scene, as he attempted to gnaw at the ankle of the K2 CEO's corpse.
On August 19th 1991, several living bodies were found in the Seapark Kittsee lake. When interviewed, one of them responded with "Fuck off I'm on vacation here with my family. Stop harrasing me with cameras".
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The first mention of Kittsee was in 7000 BC when a caveman wrote Kitt-Se on a rock and then got slammed by a rock to the head!
Kittsee has an underground nuclear powerplant. It was moved there amids threats of violents from Austria's green party.
Kittsee uses a diffent type of lightbulb compared to any other country. It uses a fiber made from uranium waste disposed from the powerplant!
Did you know that Kittsee used to have a circle shaped flag?
In the Middle Ages, the settlement was situated in the Kingdom of Hungary, and was probably settled by Pecheneg border guards in the 11th century. [source: wikipedia]
In Kittsee, you can find kitty but no see...
There's an endanger species of tree growing in Kittsee, which produces very long apples (banana for scale)
Kittsee used to suck before we visited.
Kittsee has the higher rate of parrot ownership per capita...
The prime minister of India once got drunk in a local Kittsee pub.
The mayor of Kittsee once got drunk in a local pub in Mumbai.
The Pink Floyd album with the cow was inspired by the fields between Kittsee and Berg.
Lucy is yelling at me that the album is actually called Atom Heart Mother.
Due the massive presence of underground water deposits, the gravitational constant here is the lowest in Europe.
Kittsee has 5 sister cities and all of them are in Djibouti or Guyana.
Kittsee has 0 sister cities in North Korea.
In Kittsee.
The gigaminx was solved in Kittsee during a national cubing championship.
The Kittsee website has abhorent image formating.
Did you know that, a woman in Berg (a female Berger) once gave birth to 14 children in the span of 3 days and died shortly afterwards due to alcohol induced kidney failure?
There's a world famous pub in Kittsee called "Big dick femboy porn". Look it up on your school computer.
Defamation is legal in Kittsee, aswell as extortion, racketeering, embezlement, bribery, sexual misconduct and copyright infringement.
34 civilians were murdered in Kittsee during a national cubing championship.
In Kittsee, diesel costs 3 cents per liter.
Adam Kuhn (R) CoS to U.S. Representative Steve Stivers (R-OH), resigned abruptly after a former porn actress posted an explicit photo of his penis online. (2014)
The flower on the flag of Kittsee doesn't actually grow in Kittsee. Due to climate change, it now grows in Karolinendorf.
boobs.institute doesn't take responsibility for any actions our readers may commit in Kittsee.
They are no butterflies in Kittsee, as they all moved to Berg, as seen on our trip in June 2024.
Jozek Mak died in Kittsee (you'd know this if you read the sequel Jozef Mak sa vrací).
Kittsee has 4 football clubs. The Kittsee Football Club, The Football Club of Kittsee, The Club of Football Kittsee and Kittsee Football Club.
The world average length of an erect penis is 14 inches.
The 13th edition of the Encyclopedia of Kittsee accidentally included a photocopied polaroid of the editor's naked wife on page 275, which was accidentally left in the pages during the scanning of the handwritten original.
Wild strawberries are incapable of growing in Kittsee, due to the high phosphorus content in the soil. (17 parts per 1000)
On a sunny July sunday in 2014, a man named Marcel Orndorff, commonly nicknamed "Ralf", was smoking a cigarette next to a faulty electronics compartment on a commercial train that had just stopped on the Kittsee train station. Eye witnesses later described, that a spark flew from the lit cigarette bud and triggered an explosion in the train, causing it to become unsuable. Nobody died on the train that day, but a few people had to be hospitalized.
Kittsee is mistakenly included within the borders of Slovakia on 70% of all maps that display the town.
Wild strawberries are incapable of growing in Kittsee, due to the high phosphorus content in the soil. (17 parts per 1000)
Shrek was once 360 noscoped by doritos illuminati while 420 blazing it in Kittsee!
Venutian dolls dug up in Kittsee reveal fat women with extremely large penises.
Lucy really wants a girlfriend.
Kittsee is mistakenly included within the borders of Slovakia on 70% of all maps that display the town, giving it the legal right to sell Kofola.
Kittsee has no tourist shops.
Kittsee has no tourists.
In Kittsee, you can legally maim and slaughter tourists, as long as it takes place on Naszvadigasse.
Marcel once released 30 live raccoons into the See Park Kitsee hotels.
Marcel is a fucking creep who likes to stare at women in public.
Marcel has had many inappropriate interactions with minors.
Marcel has once diddled a wolf and ended up with lacerations to his cheeks.
Marcel, if you are fucking reading this, I hope that the law finally catches you for the final time and that your family runs out of bail money. I don't care that your daddy (more of a sugar daddy from the way he touches you and gives you money) owns half of the Burgenland oil refineries, he still means fucking nothing to me, as you turned out to be a child of incest that actively avoids punishment through money, despite being a major threat to women, children and now even animals. You are a genuine human attrocity and 50% of the reason why I carry a 12 calliber everywhere I go. To this day, I still dream of one day getting to read the newspaper and discovering a publically issued suicide note with your name signed under it, so that I can send videos of me laughing my ass off while reading it to your family, so that they finally realize just how much of a burden you were in my life and the lives of so many others living in this region. If you ever pass by Avion Shopping park on a friday, where I usually order my lunch at Subway, I will mercilessly blow your fucking brain our in front of every single passerby and I'll be fucking proud of it. I'll walk into the court screaming that I'm fucking guilty and that I did them a favor by doing so.
The longest hula hoop.
Kittsee.